Jail House Rock
by Hweianime
Summary: 1. Never Drink in front of Bermuda Von Veckenschtein. 2. Never sign anything while drunk in front of Bermuda Von Veckenschtein. 3. Survive Prison and plot revenge. AU Chef!Tsuna, All27
1. Chapter 1

**Hi hi~~ **

**Ok I have decided if I have a story idea I'll just post it and when I feel like it I'll add a new chapter. I'll try to constantly update Ten Flames but the rest you guys can hold ya breath ne? **

**Anyway hope you enjoy this premise~~**

* * *

What did Tsuna do to deserve this he would never know.

He _did_ know that he would never drink or make a bet in the presence of one Bermuda Von Veckenschtein again.

_Damn sneaky, opportunistic bastard._

Maybe he had angered an angel in his past life. Or pleased the devil.

Either way there was no way he could step back from this unscathed.

* * *

"Fuck you Bermuda that bet was a total scam."

The raven haired male smirked sardonically, his golden cat-like eyes holding that spark of arrogance. Really how this guy ever came to be his friend -his best friend no less- was beyond him. Bermuda was a smart, strong man and also the youngest ever to oversee Vendicare- one of the largest most secure line of prisons in the world.

"Well I have some rather messy writing of yours that says otherwise."

He was also a childish _asshole._

"Bermuda please don't make me do this. I don't know the first thing about taking care of a dog let alone hardened criminals of the underworld!" The brunette whined, dragging his feet as they got closer to the entrance.

"Yes but I also know you're a brilliant chef who right now is unfairly unemployed and broke."

The blunt words of his friend made the young adult wince at the sheer accuracy. It was the truth after all. If only he hadn't stood up for a poor waitress who had been harassed by a very influential customer then he would still be working in a six-star restaurant and a rising star in the culinary world. But even if he replayed the scene a thousand times over there was no way he would do anything different. Bermuda and his one other friend both called him too naive for his own good but he didn't care. If naivety meant he would speak up for those who couldn't speak up themselves, help those that had been ignored then naive is who he will be.

* * *

Now Bermuda had a reason for sending his best friend to there. After all Tsuna had a gift other than cooking. The brunette had a charisma like gravity. It was invisible yet slowly and surely no matter how stubborn one was they were all drawn to him. Hell if the chef could change _him_ of all people all those years ago Bermuda was convinced he could change a rock into a butterfly with enough time.

Of course that doesn't mean that he wasn't going to keep a very close eye out for him. As much as he adores his friend ever since the brunette was a teen he had always gotten in trouble either from clumsiness or his innocence. Not to mention a dash of ignorant stupidity.

Either way things were about to get interesting around here.

* * *

As honey brown eyes eyed the rather elaborate yet intimidating building before him he gulped and took a step toward his new path. The Vindice Boss cracked a reassuring smile as he hit the smaller teen's back hard almost toppling the teen over and earning a harsh glare in return. With a chuckle the raven haired jailer gestured to the chef at his surroundings.

"Welcome to Vongola Penitentiary Sawada Tsunayoshi. Starting from today you will be working as a chef and part-time caretaker for the inmates living here. I bid you good luck."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi hi~~**

**Well I'm glad this doesn't seem to crack for you all lol. **

**Ah and btw for all you asking _no_ Enma is not the other friend. But I do wish for you to try and guess who the other one is~~ **

**Anyway I have decided so far that this will mainly be all27 however there are three side pairings. If you can guess all three (which I have full confidence you will NOT XD- yes its _that_ crackish) I will give you a prize. Like a prompt or an idea for ANY fic I'm writing or a pairing you want to see- I will write it. Even if it seems impossible or whatever I will write it. - anyway hints or whatever is at the end of this chapter~~**

**Anyway I hope you enjoy!~~**

* * *

Tsuna found himself staring at an empty pristine kitchen. And when he meant empty he meant _empty_.

**"Bermuda."**

"_Hmmm..?_" The man was currently looking at his nails. Really the brunette swore he will probably never meet anyone with such a high arrogance in his life. _(Looking back at this moment Tsuna could only laugh as he regretted those words dearly. Oh how wrong he was.)_

"Where are the staff?"

_"The staff?"_ The Vindice Boss blew on his nails and studied them like it was the potential cure for cancer. The brunette gritted his teeth.

"The _staff._"

"_Ah._ Yes. They quit."

"_All_ of them?"

"Yeah, the stress of dealing with the prisoners or something." His so-called friend said absentmindedly.

This did_ not_ bold well for the chef.

"And what do you expect me to do?"

"Don't worry Tsuna. I know you'll think of something. There's only a few hundred of them."

The urge to throttle that surprisingly slim (though not as slim as his) neck was overwhelming. Or at least shave off that perfect shoulder length hair. Punch his slightly reptilian yet handsome (Tsuna never got over how quickly Bermuda grew out of his awkward teenage appearance into a tall slick hot man while he stayed short and effeminate. Bermuda never let that go either.) face. Maybe burn the man's damn bandages he was so obsessed with decorating himself with.

"A few hundred?! As in _triple digit _hundred?!"

"Bravo." The other clapped dryly. "I see you have finally understand basic math. Took you long enough." Tsuna blushed in response as he immediately caught on to what his friend was referring to. Bastard. So he failed to correctly answer a simple multiplication problem resulting in being a little off during an order by three _thousand_ cupcakes. It happened once! Okay maybe twice.. but that wasn't the point!

Looking amused at the brunette's red face caused by a perfectly comedic mix of anger and embarrassment the raven haired male decided to let the other off the hook for now. "Well I can always send a guard or two to help you I gues-"

"I want Jager." Came the immediate response.

Bermuda sighed. "You _always_ want Jager."

"That's because Jager is fucking _perfect._ How he became your right hand man will always baffle me."

"Well that's uncalled for."

"No it isn't. Jager is a freaking angel sent by the secretaries of Heaven." Tsuna sighed lovingly and enviously.

It was true. There was literally nothing the man _couldn't_ do. A normal man's monthly workload? Jager could finish it in a few days. Forgot the schedule for tomorrow? Jager has it in his pocket along with what the weather will be like and your horoscope. Need entertainment? Jager can sing like a bird and dance like a professional on crack. _Hell_ Tsuna was sure the man could perform a miracle if he just asked him to. The man held a mastery of skills no human should be able to reach in two lifetimes.

Personally everyone thought it was a shame the man chose to work in Vendicare of all places with his immeasurable amount of talent. Anyone who knew him professionally could easily believe the man could rule the world if he wished. Or maybe just the southern hemisphere.

Apparently it was because he wanted to be closer to his lover, the almost just as perfect (yet to a more human degree) and efficient Alejandro. Though ironically enough if paired together there would be less than no work produced between the two. Tsuna learned that the hard way when he got too greedy and asked for both men to help with an order of twenty dozen quiches. By the end of the day at least half were burnt, the other half unfinished and the brunette had to refurbish his entire kitchen after walking in on the two of them using some very… _*ahem*_ creative methods with… cream.

It was obvious to say the brunette had learnt his lesson.

Well the seventh time round anyway.

Oh his poor, _poor_ kitchen.

* * *

"Boss you've summoned me?" A tanned Spanish man wearing a pristine italian suit entered the kitchen. Wavy ivory locks perfectly framing his chiseled handsome face and green eyes highlighted with flecks of gold looked at the two men in the room.

"Ah yes Jager. Tsuna here has gone and _stupidly_ got tricked by _some bastard_ into doing a very _thankless, _very_ low-paying_ job. I would like you to assist him till the new staff arrive."

"_Your_ the bastard who tricked me!" Tsuna yelled in frustration. "And low-paying?! I didn't know about this?!"

"I have some rather messy handwriting that says-"

"Bermuda I swear to _god-_"

The right hand man of Vendicare's boss watched as his employer and his friend devolved into childish bickering. Inwardly the man sighed almost fondly, apparently Bermuda was up to his usual teasing again. Of course it's usually never without reason, the man while puts on the face of a cheeky caring friend can just as easily turn around to be a cold, cruel warden but he was and always will be a calculating, devious man.

There had to be a reason why the Vindice boss appointed the brunette to cook for the inmates of Vongola. Vongola was a rather new _'nicer'_ branch of prison. It specialized in older juveniles and young adults that are connected in one way or another to the underworld. Since despite their crimes they are to be let out into the world sooner or later the idea behind this branch was more along the lines of reformation than merely restraining. Though so far none of their schemes had successfully done that. The inmates here were more than a little '_unusual_' after all and finding people willing to take care of free roaming criminals was even harder than previously expected.

And they hadn't had expected that much either.

Bringing Tsuna into the equation so soon meant that despite his carefree demeanor the so-called Strongest Warden in history was desperate. But in a way Jäger knew that if anyone could change those rebellious mafioso the brunette could. After all Tsuna had changed him for the better not to mention played a huge role at earning him his beloved and Jäger was forever grateful to him- he didn't just willingly serve just anyone after all, even if it's under Bermuda's orders.

* * *

"Done! And it only took.. Four hours! That's pretty impressive even for you Jäger." Tsuna grinned satisfactorily as he looked at giant pots of pasta and sauces as well as the meat all prepped and ready for cooking. The olive skinned male smiled faintly at the compliment.

"Please. I merely just followed your orders." It was true. If Jäger was a secretary sent by heaven (The brunette truly had the strangest image of him) then Tsuna was a _demon_ in the kitchen. Even he had trouble keeping up with the young adult when the chef was cooking with his 'Dying Will' as he called it.

Well at least there was time left over to see his lover and maybe - "Now to prep for tomorrow's breakfast!" -or not.

Tsuna giggled inwardly as he saw the hopeful look on the others face fall into disappointment. Whilst admittedly the man's poker face was extremely good that sometimes even Bermuda had trouble reading it, it wasn't as good as his intuition.

Not to mention whenever the guard thought about his lover he became twice as easy to read.

It was cute really.

Sometimes Tsuna wished he had someone like that. Even his _two best friends_ were dating. _Each other's brothers._ It was all very complicated. The brunette was shocked at the strange couples when they told him. He had suspected something was up between the two but it came as a surprise nonetheless, especially Bermuda's lover considering their... _history_. Honestly even after all these years he still was in some state of shock but he was happy for them either ways. Somehow, in a way, those guys were perfect for each other. If you, you know, squint and turn a certain angle.

"I'm kidding Jäger. Go meet with your boyfriend. I'm sure he'll be happy."

This time he didn't even bother to stifle his giggle when he saw the unmistakable darkening of a blush on those olive skinned features. As he watched the older male take his leave, caramel brown eyes closed as he let out a contented sigh. He actually was planning to prep breakfast by himself but all this thinking of love made him feel a little downhearted. Maybe he should take a break and explore for a bit before dinner.

That would be nice.

It was like he almost forgot where he was.

Oh wait. _He had._

Bermuda was right- along with the abilities to cook like a god he really did inherit an unhealthy does of air-headed oblivious from his mother.

* * *

It only then hit him when as he was walking in the rather beautiful gardens when a bomb exploded beside him. _A bomb._ Actually a dynamite to be more precise. But that really _wasn't_ the issue.

Turning warily it was to his surprise that he saw a young man. A teenager to be more accurate. Not any older than nineteen but definitely older than seventeen. Silver unusually-styled hair, glowing green eyes and skin almost as pale as his own. In a way the other held a rough beauty that would have been more attractive if not for the twisted angry scowl on his face. "So your the new fucking guard." The teen spat out.

The first thought in Tsuna's mind was to scream like a girl. Surprisingly he did not. Instead his mouth gaped open and closed, still trying to comprehend what had just happened. One thing was for sure. Bermuda was going to be _slaughtered_ by a kitchen knife for sending him to this bomb throwing madhouse. If he made it out of this situation alive. But first to _diffuse_ the situation. _(oh. ha. **ha**. no that was not a pun... shut up.)_

"A-ano.. A-actually I'm the n-new c-cook." He managed to pathetically stutter out. Inwardly he cursed himself, he wasn't the timid teen he had been years back dammit! But the brunette guessed the threat of being exploded does do that to a person.

The teen actually paused, brows furrowed in thought and for a second, one whole,_ full beautiful second_ Tsuna actually thought that he would get out of whatever mess he obliviously walked into. Then the silver haired younger scowled angrily and the dream was gone.

"Don't you fucking lie to me!" He yelled out, pulling various lit dynamites from his person. The fluffy brunette wanted scream at the outrageousness of it all. He wasn't even going to question how the teen managed to smuggle what seems to be an endless supply of dynamite through Bermuda's watchful gaze. Well if he survived he was certainly not going to let this go. The raven haired jailer prided himself on his security system. It would be more than a little satisfying to tease him on this failure.

Well that was if he survived though.

Dammit.

Thank god he had been roped in to all those stupidly dangerous pranks and training his two friends (and sometimes their brothers) constantly dragged into since middle school- and _wow_, never did he think he would say that in sincerity.

Either way he had managed to dodge the flung dynamite sticks with relative ease, a few he batted away when they came much too close to comfort. And it wasn't like he couldn't try to extinguish the flames on the stick given the chance, it was more that he felt a spike of vindictive pleasure every time a small explosion damaged the place his friend had essentially trapped him to. Thankless job indeed. Take that Bermuda.

By the tenth attempt on his life the teen must have finally snapped because he pulled out a seriously impossible amount of explosives from god knows where. However the silver haired delinquent had stumbled and his aim was off. Tsuna's large brown eyes widened as the lit dynamite fell down toward their owner. As much as the teen gave a bad impression on the chef, he couldn't just watch the guy die!

With a speed he only reserved for the kitchen (and running away from the craziness his friends always seemed to incur or he attracted) the brunette tackled the silver haired male who to Tsuna's disbelief had closed his emerald green eyes in acceptance.

*BOOM*

* * *

_Shit._ He had screwed up. Gokudera closed his eyes as his life flashed before him. Being the bastard child of a mafia boss and a teen the memories were short and unhappy. Great. Even right before death he would not be in peace.

Suddenly a heavy force pushed him to the ground as a weight hit him.

*BOOM*

He could hear the loud familiar sons of multiple large explosions yet for some reason he felt no burning sensation, no cries of agony or smell of smouldering flesh. Just a warm weight on his body, pinning him down. Then a sharp stinging pain on his cheek that instinctively caused his eyes to open in a glare. "What the-"

"You. Fucking IDIOT!" The scrawny brunette screamed at him causing the teen to wince at the sheer volume and pitch before blinking again in shock.

"Y-you saved… me?" He breathed out, still uncomprehending the events before him. The brunette before couldn't have possibly done it. There was always a catch. No one would save a bastard like him, history aside he had just tried to kill the guy! There was no way someone would care to-

The strange brunette tilted his head almost adorably before brushing back a few silver stray hairs away from his face, the action made the teen blush and become suddenly hyper-aware of the close proximity of their position. "Of course I saved you." The murmurs were soft-spoken but warm and full of something the silver-haired male wasn't used to. Concern. Kindness. Sincerity.

"But why? I'm, I'm.." _I'm nothing. I'm worthless. Too much trouble for anything. No one really needs me._

A flash of orange flickered in those caramel brown eyes before they disappeared.

"Because _you_ are _you_. And that makes you irreplaceable."

The answer was simple. Just a few words. But they held a weight that the younger man had never experienced. The fact that this brunette knew nothing about him yet saved his life at risk of his own... This person before him accepted a complete stranger. _Accepted him._

A warm feeling bubbled inside him and Gokudera knew that this person was the one.

* * *

Tsuna looked over the teen for any injuries, taking advantage of the silence that had overtook the silverette. Finally when he satisfied the brunette sighed and ruffled the other's silky hair. It felt nice against his fingers after all.

"Umm.. You okay kid?"

Immediately at the sound of his voice the teen snapped up toward it and the chef quickly retreated his hand not wishing to incur more of dynamite fuelled wrath. However instead of that harsh frightening scowl he expected to Tsuna's surprise the (annoyingly- jeez was he the only one forsaken by puberty?!) taller male gripped his shoulders and looked at him much like a puppy would. It was a little unnerving. Maybe the teen hit his head during the fall?

"TENTH I WILL FOLLOW YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!"

Oh dear god. Tsuna hoped this wasn't like some sort of weird crazy flag you get in those dating sims. Though looking in those sparkling green eyes and what he swore for a second was a wagging tail and dog ears Tsuna knew it probably was. He didn't know how but this was fucking Bermuda's fault. He hoped the cost of the damage was expensive.

With a sigh the brunette ruffled the younger male's hair, he really did like the feel of it. Again the illusion of a silver coloured tail thumping up and down on the ground was seen. It was kinda cute if he pushed the past ten minutes out of his memory. With an exasperated smile the chef decided to hell with it and go with the flow.

"Ne- what's your name?"

"G-GOKUDERA HAYATO!"

The brunette winced slightly at the volume but continued on. "Ah well I'm Sawada Tsunayoshi, Gokudera-kun. But please just call me Tsuna." The other nodded enthusiastically and with awe like he had just told the teen the answer of life itself. "Yes Tsuna-sama!" Sama? The chef had to sweat drop at that.

'Strange kid.' Tsuna mused amusedly. Well at least his first encounter with one of the inmates wasn't as bad as he thought. I mean he wasn't severely injured nor did he have to pay for any heavy damages to government property so it had been better than any antics he and his best friends used to get up to. Speaking of paying…

* * *

"Hey.. Gokudera-kun?" The brunette purred lowly and mischievously, completely unaware of what it was doing to the hormonal teenager who was turning all shades of red. Really that voice should be illegal. "Y-y-yes Tsuna-sama?"

"Do you want to…" Tsuna leaned forward still on top of- you could even say straddling- Gokudera, his mouth dangerously close to the other's ear. The silver haired teen gulped. "Do you want to.." At this rate if the sentence was finished off by 'jump headfirst completely naked into a lava pool of piranhas' the fiery teen would have immediately agreed. "Do you want to… help me cook?"

Instantly the brunette went from devilish seductive to innocent as an angel, cherubic features brightened and large doe eyes sparkled much akin to how the silverette's was beforehand. The teen while absentmindedly blushing again at the new dosage of cuteness held a mixture of disappointment and embarrassment. Of course the tenth wouldn't see him that way! They barely knew each other! Gah how stupid!

He must have spent too long in his self-loathing thoughts because when he snapped out of it the older male looked visibly disheartened. "I take your silence as a no? Well I understand… It is kind of girly and.."

Flustered the younger couldn't help but blurt out- "NO! I-I would love to be with you- no I mean- spending time, cooking-" Tsuna quickly brightened and flashed a beautiful dazzling smile. "Eh? You really mean that?" Gokudera could only nod wordlessly as any sound that came from his mouth right now would be more of a strangled groan. The chef jumped up immediately and began walking back to the kitchen.

"Great! Well I was thinking since we have time to spare we can start making some nice desserts for everyone and then prepping for breakfast- ah what are you doing still sitting there?"

"G-GOMENASAI TSUNA-SAMA! I WILL RUN TO THE KITCHENS AS PUNISHMENT FOR MY MISCONDUCT!"

Before he could even protest the silver haired teen had dashed toward the kitchens. Tsuna couldn't help but smile hopelessly. At the very least prison wasn't boring.

'Now…' His carefree smile quickly morphed back into a devilish smirk as his caramel brown eyes flashed darkly. 'I'm pretty sure Bermuda usually hides his favourite most expensive wines and chocolates in his office…'

* * *

_*achoo!* _

"You getting a cold?"

"I shouldn't be… Someone must be praising me or something." The raven haired jailer shrugged. His lover chuckled in that low rumbling way that drove Bermuda crazy. "Well aren't you ever the arrogant one."

"Shut up. Like you should talk."

"Well maybe if you kiss me I'll stop."

Cat like eyes rolled in mock exasperation but nonetheless did the Vindice boss happily comply, wrapping his arms around the neck of his lover.

* * *

**Here are the clues/hints (I've given one pairing because they are obvious)**

**1\. Jager X Alejandro**

**2\. ? X Bermuda**

**3\. The other friend X ?**

**Good luck~~~**


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